Dream a Little Dream

 

I love dreams…the ones you have when you sleep.

A and B sleeping little

 

Brielle’s dreams fascinate me. She says she dreams in sign language. Well, she says she signs in her dreams but other people can speak. Kinda like life.

I love sharing her dreams whenever I can on my Facebook page. Some of them are so funny, like the one she had earlier this week about our dog, Cooper, being able to talk AND he had MY voice! lol

 

Dreams are like entertainment while you sleep. Some of them are epic adventures. Others are completely ridiculous.

I have some incredible dreams, nearly every night.The recurring dreams can be a little spooky.

One is where I am driving, but somehow I feel drunk or drugged or I can’t hit the brakes hard enough to control my vehicle. Clearly a reflection of my control issues. Yes, I’m a routine gal and it sometimes becomes my frenemy.

I have the classic recurring dream about being late to class and not knowing what or where the class is and I can’t remember my locker combination.

I used to have dreams about Brielle falling down stairs. Very scary ones. But, it’s been a while since I’ve had one of those. Whew.

There’s one dream that sticks out in my mind.

I had it when Brielle was very young and we were just coming to terms with her cerebral palsy diagnosis. I actually wrote about it  of my book in Chapter 29: The Road Not Traveled.

 

So, here’s the story of that dream from an excerpt in that chapter:

The Child Who Never Was

Sometimes I miss the baby I never met, the one who was never affected by a virus we knew nothing about. We will never know who Brielle might have been if CMV had not attacked her little body while she grew inside of me. However, I cannot help but wonder about that unlived life once in a while.

“What if…?” I catch myself thinking. Sometimes, I surprise myself that I even allow this thought to rattle around in my mind. When I do, I can only contemplate it for a few fleeting moments. I rarely allow those thoughts to tumble out of my head and on to my lips. I simply do not speak of it, at least not to most people. It is too terribly painful.

There are times when I cannot control my wandering mind. I have had a few dreams in my life about Brielle, not as she is, but as she could have been. I cannot control my dreams when I sleep. They intrude on my silent “What ifs?” with painful force.

When Brielle was a small child, I had a dream one night that she was in her crib. She was calling out to me, “Mommy, Mommy! Come here!” As I reached out to her beyond the edge of the crib rails, my small child pulled me into the crib with her.

Forget for the moment that there was no way I would fit in the crib let alone would have been able to climb over the tall rails with such ease. This was a dream. Weird things happen in dreams.

As my dream continued, I was laying on my side looking into her soft, brown eyes and stroking her silky hair. Brielle wrapped one of her arms around my neck and said, “I love you, Mommy.”

My bubble burst when I woke up. I felt overwhelmed with joy hearing her voice and that particular phrase. However, my heart ached knowing that dream would never come to life. I would never hear Brielle’s voice utter those words or any others.

The girl she could have been is like phantom pain from an amputation. That girl is not quite there, but sometimes feels as real as the memory of a dream that could have been.

 

That dream was so real and shook me to the core. I still daydream about that dream coming true, although I know it’s hopeless. That was my best dream ever.*

 

I had some exciting news about my book late last week. The draft copy finally arrived after being delayed by the Atlanta area snow storm. It was so exciting to see and touch! It’s a real book!

Book - Draft Arrived Me

After meeting with my publishing consultant on Tuesday, it looks like my book will be available for purchase in about two weeks! I can’t express the joy and excitement I have hoping that my book about our experiences with Brielle might help other families.

Book - Draft Arrived B and K

Now that’s a new little dream to dream…..!

*This has been an edition of Friday’s Finish the Sentence (#FFTS). The writing prompt this week was: “My best dream ever was…”

If you’re visiting from one of these awesome LinkUps, please let me know! I’d love to read your post and share some comment love!

- Finding Ninee (#FFTS)

- Love That Max

What was YOUR best dream ever?

 

Kerith Signature

Comments

  1. You are so right about sometimes a dream being so real and I totally wrote about a dream I had about my grandfather after he had indeed passed away that was so very real and left me very much shaken afterwards. I truly love how you have written your experiences with your daughter down and do believe this will definitely help other families in similar situations. Thank you for sharing this beautiful excerpt from you upcoming book with us tonight!
    Janine Huldie recently posted…For One More Day ~ My best dream ever was…My Profile

  2. That is such a moving dream. Thanks for sharing and congratulations on the upcoming book!

  3. I have had so many dreams about Kyle and him speaking and running and climbing! I have been wanting to write a post about it and know that I will soon. Sometimes, those are the hardest posts to write. Thank you for sharing your dream about Brielle. And CONGRATULATIONS on your book! Can’t wait to read it…how exciting!!!
    Kelli McIntosh recently posted…Pizza by the SliceMy Profile

  4. Have arrived on your blog through Love That Max but I have definitely heard of you and Brielle through the grapevine before!
    I remember having a dream once that one of my friends, who is completely non-verbal, spoke to me. And when she spoke, she spoke with a bit of a lisp. She said that she was happy being my friend. And that she loved me. In the dream I could speak very easily (as I always can in dreams), and I told her I loved her too.
    I would like to believe that in some way that dream was real. :)
    She Types Things recently posted…Fail, Fail, Win: Beginning to Accept Disability (complete with stickers!)My Profile

    • What a special dream to have about your non-verbal friend! I totally think we have those to reassure our worries. Thanks for stopping by! (Shared some comment love on your post as well!)

  5. Wow, Kerith,
    What a beautiful and heartbreaking dream. I had a similar one about a year ago. My son was talking to me and in the dream, I actually thought to myself “Oh! He CAN talk – he’s fine! I can’t wait to tell everybody that it was a false alarm.” It stayed with me for several days until I finally made myself let it go. But I suppose we never are able to let dreams like that go completely.
    Congratulations on your book!!! That’s AWESOME!!! I love the cover too!
    Kristi Campbell recently posted…Dream that this is enoughMy Profile

    • Those dreams are so tough. Why can’t I dream about kissing George Clooney or something?? lol Thanks on the book! I’m so freakin’ excited, I could just bust!! Just a week away!

  6. It’s amazing how a dream can leave you with such happiness and sadness at the same time. I’m surprised at what my mind goes to in my sleep–some hopes, some fears … and a lot of what ifs. I think it’s completely natural for us all to have those moments wondering what it would be like if things were different. I love your honesty in your writing.
    Real Life Parenting recently posted…I’m a Dork … the Virgin VlogMy Profile

    • Dreams are certainly weird. It just tough to see/experience a piece of that life if things had been different. I work hard to be authentic in my writing. Being vulnerable is something I’ve slowly learned to be. Thanks for stopping by!

  7. How fantastic that you’ve got a book coming out! :)
    Emily @ Words I Wheel By recently posted…4 Lessons Peacocks Can Teach Us About AdvocacyMy Profile

  8. Your daughter is beautiful, and I am sure your book will help a lot of people!
    JenKehl – My Skewed View recently posted…How Not To Make A VlogMy Profile

  9. That is a beautiful dream, Kerith. It really, really is. Although it breaks your heart, I do hope you hold onto that voice. I am looking forward to reading your book. I am so behind on my blog reading and I know that it has come out since you posted this so I will be looking for it later this evening.
    I just had to comment about that recurring dream about forgetting the locker combination. What is it with that dream? I have had it for years!
    Sandy Ramsey recently posted…Tradition From A Different ViewMy Profile

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